In Lieu Of Flowers....??

In Lieu of Flowers.... what does that really mean?

The "in lieu of flowers" phrase started in the 1950's but has become more prominent in the last couple of decades with the rise of charitable organizations actively seeking memorial donations.

Florists applaud this intention but generally believe it can be expressed without the negative reference towards flowers. A family who honors a loved one by designating a favorite charity rarely wants a service devoid of flowers. Also friends deserve to express their feelings of sorrow with a variety of caring gestures including sending floral arrangements.

The one sympathy tradition that has been a part of nearly every culture throughout history is flowers. Research shows that flowers increase feelings of compassion and happiness, and people feel less depressed and anxious around flowers. Grieving families and funeral experts alike would agree that a wide variety of heartfelt expressions, including flowers, can all help soften the sorrow.

Flowers help to warm a funeral service or visitation, it would be hard to imagine a service with no flowers at all. In fact, families sometimes regret having too few flowers at the funeral. Normally the phrase, "In lieu of flowers ..." is NOT meant to restrict friends and loved ones from sending flowers if they wish. One of the following phrases would be a better alternative to express the family's wishes, that donations to a particular charity are welcome and appreciated without limiting other forms of heartfelt support.

Flowers and contributions to ____________ are both welcome.
Memorial contributions may be made to ...
As an expression of sympathy, donations may be mailed to ...
For memorial contributions, the family has designated ...

There is a wide variety of floral tributes for every budget. Fresh flower designs in a glass vase or wicker basket, and plants are becoming increasingly popular as they can be easily transported home after the funeral to serve as additional comfort to the family.

According to a study conducted by the Virginia Polytechnic Institute, after family, friends, and eulogy, flowers rank first among those who have lost a family member or friend as the most meaningful aspect of funerals.

The majority surveyed agreed strongly that flowers and plants are a critical component of funerals, providing a nescessary diversion, they are something to talk about and brighten the environment at such a somber time. Also, looking at the cards to see who sent flowers is a great comfort.

So if you see "In lieu of flowers...." in an obituary remember that families, more than likely, don't mean to insinuate that flowers are not welcome.

Tip of the Day: Daily maintenance is key to ensure a long life for cut roses. Check the flowers daily to make sure there is enough water in the container. The best place to display roses is in a cool area out of direct sunlight and drafts. If the water becomes cloudy, change the water, re-cut and washing the stems and the container.


If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change. ~Author Unknown